Relocation and Kryptonite

Relocation and Kryptonite

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Unlike most mortals, I have a super power.

Yes, it’s true. I drive with a New Jersey License plate.

Able to flip off lane changers in a single bound. Faster than a speeding Uber. Angrier than a kid driving behind the old man in a hat.

But I have a flaw.

My Kryptonite is…Potholes.

In the past two years, terrible road conditions in the Garden State have lead to four—That’s FOUR—flat tires. The kind of flat that destroys the tire, bends the rim and dings the chassis. It puts a ringing in your ears and dread in your heart. Repairs have averaged over $200 each, not to mention the only-in-NJ excuse: “Sorry. Will be late. Flat tire.”

The saying goes that in New Jersey, only the drunks drive in a straight line. The rest of us are w-e-a-v-i-n-g through the lunar landscape.

Today word came out that billionaire investor David Tepper is decamping from En Jay to Florida, where the taxes are less and the roads are presumably better.

We too are going to Relo. No joke—as recent empty nesters, my wife and I are also looking to move. To a college town, near an airport, congenial to health and continued career. Ideas for candidates welcome.

Must: good roads. And a population of drivers who are used to those of us who have recently lost their New Jersey superpower. Because I will need to learn new driving habits.

Like driving in a straight line.

April 6, 2016

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